Unusual Collective
by Disco Ant
Summary: Stories of a grand treasure surface, a race starting to get to the items needed to unlock the treasure. Can everyone work together long enough to get the prize or will it all fall apart? Who is spreading these stories? And why? OCs and such. x3
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own TEH WROLD!!!111!1 Pay up, people. No skimping on the coinage, yo. :x

Author's Notes: Twonk is my Gaia avi/character/alter ego thingie. He has a story, of which I'm slacking on in the writing of it. -gonk- He's like he is in that story, but slightly older than at where it currently is and a little more wackier. This is my Jerry Lou story, which is like a Mary Sue story, but totally different on so many levels. It's like an entity all of it's own. Sort of like Al Gore.

Titles will be lines from random songs stuck in my head that I will try to make sense of in the story. And they won't be like titles at all because my shift key hates me. Plus I owe it alimony, so the less I use it the better. I knew there was a reason the caps lock key is above it... -thinks of the good times and sobs-

This story was a spur of the moment thing as I work on my other story. I have no idea what I'm doing with it, yet. xD And also, Rosalie is the stereotypical creepy annoying girl who's way too happy and smiles a lot. :3

* * *

**Unusual Collective **

by D. Ant

Chapter One - I've gotta a little change in my pocket...

"This is the guy?" the stereotypical Italian man said as he held a picture. "And you're sure he's got what we're looking for?"  
The two stereotypical goons nodded.  
"All right," the man sighed. "Pick him up." 

"Another game?" Jigen asked with a grin, staring across the pool table at an annoyed Lupin.  
"All I have is a five," Lupin responded.  
Jigen shrugged. "If you're willing to give it up, I'll be glad to take it."  
"Actually, I think I want a beer." Lupin left the table and sat at the bar, Jigen joining him and both ordering drinks.  
At the end of the bar sat a man, who appeared to be homeless. He sat next to a younger man, one who looked too young to be at a bar. The younger man was dressed nicely, black dress pants with black dress shoes and a blue dress shirt and black tie and black jacket. He had messy short black hair and blue eyes. In his hand was a glass half filled with scotch.  
The two men talked and laughed at their stories, the younger man appearing to buy the man all of his drinks, ordering him another.  
It wasn't that the young man was kind or generous, not that he couldn't be from time to time, but he needed something the man knew. And one way to get him to spill the info was to get him as drunk as he could.  
Everything was going according to plan, an oddity for the young man. But just as he got his hopes up, in walked the two goons.  
Jigen and Lupin glanced back as the men stood in front of the door and glanced around.  
The homeless man saw the two men, suddenly overcome by panic. He reached in his pants pocket and pulled something out, handing it to the young man, making sure the goons didn't take notice as they approached.  
"Uncle Moe!" one of the goons said. "We knew we'd find you here." He and the other stood on either side of the man.  
"Thanks for looking out for him, kid," the other said as the two helped the homeless man to his feet.  
The young man took a drink of his scotch, slamming the glass on the bar as he stood. "You know what?" he said, slowly turning and looking at the men. "There are two things that annoy me. One, people butting in on others conversations and two, people who call me 'kid'."  
One goon looked at the other, laughing off the young mans remarks.  
"_Three_ things that annoy me. People ignoring and or laughing at me would be the third thing."  
"Beat it, kid," one goon said as he helped lead the homeless man out.  
"That's it!" the young man growled, grabbing the stool he was sitting on and running towards the goons.  
The goon the stool was aimed for turned and blocked it with his arm, grabbing it with his other hand and wrenching it away from the young man. He tossed the stool aside and punched the young man twice in the face, then once in the stomach before throwing him to the ground and leaving.  
The bartender looked down at the young man and sighed, getting him some more scotch as he got to his feet and leaned on the bar.  
"One of these days your half-minded plans are gonna lead the cops here," the bartender said as he wiped off glasses with an old white rag. "And if that happens and they catch you here and take away my license, I suggest you move somewhere far away."  
The young man looked up and grinned, his left eye starting to swell up, his lower right chin reddened. "I know people, too, Rob. And if you touch me..."  
"Tch! Oh yeah? Then what are your friends gonna do about the guy who beat your face up?"  
The young man shrugged. "You never know." He reached in his pocket, pulling out the folded paper the homeless man handed him and staring down at it. He then reached in his other pocket and pulled out a fifty, plopping it on the bar and walking outside.  
He unfolded the paper as he walked, inside it were two old gold coins. "Not much good when I don't know what to do with them," he muttered, placing them in his pocket and walking on.

The young man yawned as he walked into his apartment building, heading to the mailboxes and pulling out a few white envelopes, all but one being a bill.  
"Hi Twonk," a young girl about 15 hollered happily as Twonk turned around.  
"Ah!" Twonk jumped back, pressing himself against the wall of mailboxes. "H-hi, Rosalie," he said in discomfort as she was in his face smiling. "I-I'm gonna...I'm just gonna go now..." He ducked past her and walked quickly down the hall, opening his door quickly and getting inside, closing the door behind him and breathing a sigh of relief.  
The relief didn't last long, however. Turning on the light he could see that his place had been turned upside down. Books, papers and pieces of furniture covered the floor.  
"Great," he sighed as he stepped out in the middle of the mess.  
"I think you have something we want," a voice came from behind.  
Twonk spun around, glaring at the two goons from the bar. His eyes darted around the room, his mind working a little too slow for the dire situation he was in.  
"Just give us the coins," one of the goons said, holding out his hand.  
Twonk grinned. "Okay, fine," he said with a shrug, reaching in his pocket and pulling out two silver dollars, quickly throwing his hand out, the two coins flying past the men, hitting the wall behind them, and falling to the floor.  
"Heh." Twonk grinned nervously, the two goons soon on top of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, as usual, this story isn't quite turning out how I wanted it to. xP I'm not sure if it will end up being wacky. It's mainly just dumb and bizarre. And dumb. But it's only seven chapters, so not much to read. xD Just gotta figure out the treasures, which is the main thing I'm stuck on. So far, most don't make any sense. Actually, none of this makes sense until the end. The end was the main reason I wrote this. x3 Twonk is also in this for a reason, which also has to do with the end.

* * *

**Unusual Collective **

by D. Ant

Chapter Two - You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions...

Twonk groaned, opening his eyes, the blur of a person looking over him visible. He blinked a few times, and then screamed, scrambling back.  
"You're place is a mess," Rosalie chirped, the ever present smile on her face.  
Twonk averted his eyes. "That's not a good thing, Rosalie," he growled.  
"Did they hurt you?" she chirped again.  
"If I say yes, will you leave?" Twonk looked towards her and flinched, looking down at the floor.  
"Daddy says if you don't pay the rent on time that he's going to kill you. Isn't that funny?" She giggled at her father's threat, one which Twonk knew to be the truth. "Oh yeah, you also have a visitor. He looks mean." She smiled even bigger and then waved, walking out of the apartment and skipping down the hall.  
"A visitor?" Twonk wondered as he rubbed his head, slowly getting to his feet.  
"Where's the scroll?"  
Twonk sighed, turning to the voice behind him. He stared at the man, a very stereotypical samurai.  
Goemon stood and stared at Twonk. "Where's the scroll?" he asked again, this time a bit more threatening.  
"Do I look like I have a need for scrolls?"  
"You are named Graham, right?"  
Twonk hesitated. "No...he lives next door..."  
Goemon gave a confused look, pulling out a piece of paper and re-reading it. "Well, it says here that he lives in-" He looked up and noticed Twonk was gone. Giving a low growl, he ran out the door, giving chase. 

"What's that?" Jigen asked, Lupin walking into their hideout holding an envelope.  
Lupin shrugged, ripping open the envelope and pulling out the letter inside.  
Jigen stood behind him, peering over his shoulder and reading the letter.  
"King Albert's Orb of Flame?" Lupin wondered.  
"Seven items needed to unlock the treasure..." Jigen read.  
The two looked at one another, unsure if it was real or someone's prank.

Fujiko was in a lavish suite, bending over a table as she spread out some blueprints. A smile came to her face, thoughts of the treasure constantly on her mind.  
Her cell phone ringing broke her from thought, grabbing it out of her purse and staring down at the number in annoyance. "What, Lupin?"  
"Man, where are you?" he asked. "This signal is horrible."  
"That's none of your business," she said. "What do you want? I'm short on time."  
"You're dying?!" he gasped.  
She glared off.  
"That calls for a drink," Jigen said in the background.  
Fujiko mumbled some unkind words under her breath.  
Lupin laughed. "I just wanted to know if you're free for dinner sometime."  
"No."  
Lupin sighed sadly. "You're so mean, Fujiko."  
"I know," she said with a smile.  
"So...what are you doing?"  
She sighed, knowing he wouldn't leave her alone until he knew. "I'm going after a diamond."  
"What kind of diamond?"  
"The Blue Nile Diamond."  
There was silence on the other end.  
"Lupin?" she asked, wondering if they got cut off.  
"The Blue Nile Diamond?" he asked, looking over at Jigen. "Where'd you hear about that?"  
"You know of it?"  
"Uh, no, no I don't. Never heard of it before, actually." His words were followed by nervous laughter.  
"Oh, well, you know. I just hear things."  
"Oh...well, I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing." He disconnected quickly.  
Fujiko pulled her phone in front of her, giving it an odd look.  
"How does she know about the diamond?" Jigen asked.  
Lupin shrugged, looking down at the letter. "Maybe this thing is real."  
"Well, I'm not going to let her get this orb thing, so what do we do?"  
"Hmm..." Lupin glanced over the letter. "It says there are seven main items. Each of the seven needs another to unlock. And each of those needs another to unlock."  
"What kind of a stupid game is this?" Jigen grumbled, already losing interest.  
Lupin sighed, seeing they had a long road ahead of them.

"You still have that scroll, Rob?" Twonk asked as he walked down the sidewalk.  
"It's still where you left it."  
"Good. I'm gonna come by and get it, if that's okay."  
"The key is in the usual spot," Rob sighed. "Use it this time. Kicking down the door costs me too much money. Plus I don't want to corral all the bums out of my place again."  
"Sure thing," Twonk said, not really listening as he eyed the newspaper machine up ahead. "I just gotta pick up some other things I stored. I won't make a mess of the place."  
He stuck the phone back in his jacket, looking around before picking the lock on the machines money compartment, opening it and finding the two gold coins he had put in the machine after he left the bar.  
"That orb is a good as mine," he said with a grin.


	3. Chapter 3

This story isn't supposed to make any sense at all, so don't even try to make any of it. xD The treasure info was in italics to begin with, but this thing makes it double spaced and is mean, so I seperated it. Evil...

* * *

**Unusual Collective **

by D. Ant

Chapter Three - In the pouring rain, come on and set me free...

-------------------

Treasure number 1 : The Blue Nile Diamond  
Items needed : Coins of Caesar (2) , Scroll of Good Fortune  
What to do : Find the Scroll of Good Fortune in Tokyo. Read the scroll to a man in Rome to be given the two Coins of Caesar. The Blue Nile Diamond is somewhere in Egypt. To get to it you will need to place the coins in the two designated spots and then read the Scroll of Good Fortune for the case to open. 

-------------------

Twonk scratched his head. "This is like one of those very unclear things written to be way too complicated when it can be so easy."  
He re-read the instructions.  
"Somewhere in Egypt. Hmm...now I wonder where that would be." He rolled his eyes. 

"So, I wonder who else is after this?" Jigen asked as he and Lupin drove through the city.  
"Hey, isn't that Goemon?" Lupin wondered as they sat at a red light.  
Jigen shot a sideways glance at Lupin. "Who else in the world dresses like that, Lupin? Of course it's him."  
"Oh yeah, huh."  
"It looks like he's following someone." Jigen opened his door.  
"Where are you going?"  
"I'm gonna follow him," Jigen answered, getting out, shutting the door and walking to the busy sidewalk.

Fujiko grabbed a scroll and two coins, placing them in her purse. Grabbing hold of a piece of luggage, she left her suite and prepared for the long flight ahead.

"Hey," Jigen said into the cellphone he held. "I'm at the airport. Goemon was tailing that kid from the bar. Seems they're hopping a plane to Cairo."  
"I'll be right there," Lupin said, putting his phone away and heading towards the airport.

Everyone, minus Fujiko, all got on the same plane, of course no one noticing the others since they all blend in so well.  
Some hours later they landed, all of them getting off, again, no one seeing the others.  
They then followed each other to the museum...

The museum was closed, as it was late at night. Twonk walked up to the back entrance, staring down at the partially opened door.  
"Someone beat me to it?" he said to himself, getting angry and going inside.  
Next to the case with the diamond was a shadowy figure.  
"I think you're taking what's mine," Twonk said as he boldly walked up to the figure.  
"No, I think you have what's mine," another voice said as a figure dropped from the ceiling.  
"Where'd you come from?" Twonk asked, looking up.  
"Goemon?" the one with the diamond said.  
"Fujiko?" Goemon said, shocked.  
"You both have it wrong," another voice said, two figures walking up from behind them. "That diamond is ours."  
"Lupin?" both Fujiko and Goemon said.  
"You all have it wrong," another voice said. "That diamond is mine."  
"Rosalie?" Twonk said, followed by a long sigh.  
"Wait a second," Fujiko intervened. "How do you all know about the diamond?"  
"My boss got some odd letter," Twonk said.  
"My father got a letter," Rosalie said.  
"Did everyone get one of those?" Lupin wondered.  
Everyone nodded.  
"Is that my diamond?" a strange voice said.  
"No, it's mine," another said.  
Many other voices followed as more people came crowding into the place. The voices were soon drowned out by gunfire, a fight breaking out within the mob.  
"I say we get out of here," Lupin said, he and the others ducking down.  
They all agreed and snuck out.

"How many of these things are there?" Lupin asked as he stared down at the letter he got.  
"I bet there's a lot!" Rosalie yelled happily, the others doing their best not to look at her, as she creeped them out as well.  
"Okay," Fujiko started, "I'm working for myself. I gather Lupin and Jigen are working for themselves, as well."  
The two nodded.  
"Who are you working for?" she asked Goemon.  
"Some bald Russian guy with a scar on his face and an eye patch."  
"Okay... What about you?" She looked to Twonk.  
"Some rich guy who wants to own everything rare in the world."  
"And you?" She looked towards Rosalie and quickly looked away, giving a shudder.  
"My father, who is a mob leader working undercover as a super for the apartment we live in."  
"Wow," Lupin sighed. "So many stereotypes and bad clichés..."  
"Yeah," Jigen said. "Next thing you know someone will suggest we work together."  
"Hey!" Rosalie said, all excited like. "Why don't we work together?" The smile on her face grew to abnormal size.  
They all looked at one another and sighed.

-------------------

Treasure number 2 : The Mask of Tlaloc  
Items needed : Banana tree leaves (3) , Rare Great Catfish  
What to do : Find the Great Catfish in China. Get the banana leaves. Go to the top of the Great Temple and offer the catfish, layed atop the banana leaves, to the Rain God Tlaloc. 

-------------------

Goemon and Fujiko left for China, Lupin and Jigen leaving to get the banana leaves, Twonk and Rosalie heading to Mexico City.  
Goemon tried to catch a Great Catfish, but everything he pulled up was some sort of mutant fish. He then figured the one with six eyes and three tails was good enough, so he kept that one, he and Fujiko leaving.  
Lupin and Jigen payed some guy to go into the banana plantation and get some leaves. While cutting them from the tree he was viciously attacked by a band of monkeys, the monkey covered blob walking out of the plantation with the leaves.  
Lupin grabbed the leaves, he and Jigen running away quickly as the monkeys eyes them.  
The four then arrived at the temple, handing off their finds.  
"This isn't a catfish," Twonk said as he looked at the monstrosity in his hand.  
Goemon shrugged. "I figured the extra body parts would make Tlaloc happier."  
Twonk shrugged, placing the fish on the leaves at the temple. He then backed away.  
A clash of lightening streaked across the sky, dark clouds moving in as thunder boomed. The six looked up as rain started to pour down. They then looked down as a small box lifted up.  
Lupin opened the box, pulling out a golden mask.  
"What's next?" Jigen asked.  
"The sacred didgeridoo," he said with a shrug.  
"Well, then, let's get this over with," Fujiko said, wanting to get out of the rain. 


	4. Chapter 4

There's probably lots of spelling errors in this, but I'm too lazy to check them right now. Two more chapters left until the big finale. :o

* * *

**Unusual Collective **

by D. Ant

Chapter Four - There's nothing leading you back where you belong...

_Treasure number 3 : Sacred Didgeridoo  
Items needed : Grand Canyon sand, Alaskan Glacier ice (melted)  
What to do : After obtaining the sand and melted ice, mix the two together and apply, in a spiral dotted pattern, to the face. Meet an Aboriginal chief to obtain the digderidoo._

They were on on a plane north to the US, watching the small televisions in front of them, news of flooding and mudslides in Mexico.  
The meteorologist said no one saw the rain coming, talking about it as a freak storm with no end in sight.  
The six looked at one another, then shrunk back into their seats, knowing full well the mask caused the rain, and they were responsible for the freak storm.  
The plane landed in Phoenix, the six deciding to split up. Lupin would go with Fujiko and Goemon to Alaska while Twonk, Rosalie and Jigen left for the Grand Canyon, all planning on meeting each other in Sydney once the items were obtained.

Jigen drove a small rental car towards the direction of the Grand Canyon. Twonk sat in the front seat while Rosalie sat in the back, smiling happily as she stared out the window.  
It could have been Twonk's imagination, but he could swear the cactus seemed to die as they passed them.  
"Something must be in the water!" Rosalie chirped. "Everything's dying!"  
Twonk and Jigen groaned.  
Twonk now wished it was only in his head.  
A couple of hours later they arrived at the Grand Canyon. They hurried to get the sand they needed as tourists, birds and fish suddenly seemed to die.  
Rosalie looked on in amazement, as if she enjoyed the death surrounding her.  
Jigen removed his jacket, walking up behind Rosalie and wrapping it around her head. Twonk then smacked her head with a stick, knocking her out.  
Tourists watched, shocked, as the two grabbed Rosalie and ran off to the car.

Lupin, Fujiko and Goemon had arrived in Alaska, Lupin and Fujiko inside a Kayak, rowing towards a huge glacier, as Goemon stood poised at the front of the kayak, his sword at his side as he readied to get a chunk of the glacier.  
"Remember, Goemon," Lupin said, "we only need a small piece."  
Goemon nodded, grabbing the sword with his right hand and screaming as he pulled it out and swiped it across a few times. All was silent, Lupin and Fujiko waiting and looking.  
There was then a huge cracking sound, the glacier in front of them shattering into several large chunks and crashing into the water.  
The three looked, horrified as a huge wave of water loomed towards them.  
"I said only a small chunk!" Lupin screamed as he and Fujiko paddled as quickly as they could.  
"Sorry," Goemon said, a small chunk of ice falling into his hand. "Here." He handed it to Lupin, as if offering it as an apology.  
Lupin took it and placed it in a small container just as the wave hit them, leaving them as they were, but frozen.

An angry Lupin and Fujiko stomped towards Jigen and Twonk at the airport in Sydney, Goemon lagging behind.  
"I said I was sorr-"  
"Shut up!" Lupin yelled, refusing to look at him.  
Jigen and Twonk decided not to ask.  
"Hey, where's Rosalie?" Fujiko wondered.  
"She's tied up in the-"  
"I'm right here!" she chirped, interrupting Jigen.  
Jigen and Twonk shuddered, afraid to look at the trail of death she may have left.  
"Everything went black and then something ran into my head!" she said with a big smile. "It was weird!"  
Lupin and Fujiko glanced at Jigen and Twonk, giving them suspicious looks. "Let's just get this over with," Lupin said, all leaving the airport.

They all agreed to paint up Rosalie's face, hoping it would take some of the creepiness away. It only seemed to make it worse.  
"She's like a psychotic clown killer or something," Twonk said, the others sadly agreeing.  
"Well," Lupin said, his hands on Rosalie's shoulders as he led her towards the wilderness. "Go in there and do your thing." He then shoved her forward.  
Rosalie happily skipped through the trees and brush, humming a happy tune. She spotted the village and went forward.  
"Aaaaaaugh!" several tribesmen yelled as they fleed her.  
"It's the devil!" the leader cried, joining the others as they fled.  
"Really?" Rosalie said in excitement. "Where?" She looked around, not seeing anything. Shrugging it all off, she started her search, finding a didgeridoo and assuming it was the one they needed. Taking it, she skipped off.

_Treasure number 4 : Crystal of the Antarctic  
Items needed : Polar Bear meat, Puerto Rican rum  
What to do : Cook the meat in the rum and offer it to the penguin king._

The hunt continued. Seeing they were getting to the end of the list, they went through it, deciding to split up and get the remaining items to make everything faster.  
Rosalie was sent to Canada to get some polar bear meat. She didn't quite get the directions, though, and walked up to a polar bear.  
It died seconds after seeing her.  
Not knowing what to do, she dragged the whole bear with her.  
Jigen went to Puerto Rico for the rum and got really really drunk on the stuff in the process. He made it back a week later.

"Okay, so what do we do?" Twonk asked. He had succeeded in getting what items he was sent to get.  
"Wait for the others to get back," Fujiko sighed.  
"I knew it was a mistake to send Jigen after booze," Lupin grumbled.  
Goemon remained silent.  
"I got the meat!" Rosalie yelled happily, slinging the polar bear off her back and onto the ground.  
The others were silent, staring down at the dead polar bear, all wondering how someone like Rosalie was able to carry it.  
"She's so frightening..." Goemon muttered.  
Everyone knew what had happened to the polar bear, all saying a small prayer for it's sudden and sad demise.  
Jigen finally returned, handing Lupin a bottle of rum.  
"It's half empty!" Lupin complained.  
"I got thirsty," Jigen said with a shrug.  
Lupin growled in frustration while Jigen stared at the polar bear, not saying a word about it.

They did what the paper said, using what rum was left to cook some of the polar bear meat. And then it was time to get on a plane and fly to Antarctica.  
"How do we know who the penguin king is?" Twonk wondered. "I still say some moron wrote this as a joke."  
"Yeah, really," Fujiko said.  
"This treasure better be good," Lupin mumbled.  
"Hey, do we have any of that rum left?" Jigen asked.  
Lupin growled in anger.  
Everyone shut up for the rest of the flight.

The plane landed and they all got out, stepping into the snow and looking around.  
"Hey look!" Rosalie pointed to a small shrine that looked like it was recently set up.  
"That's weird," Twonk said as he stared at it.  
Rosalie snatched the meat and ran forward. "Penguin king! Penguin king! Penguin king!" she shouted in joy, excited about seeing it.  
"I am da penguin king!" a large penguin that sat on top of the shrine said, his voice deep and kind of slow. "Give me da meat that I so deserve!"  
"Penguin king, yay!" Rosalie jumped up and down.  
The penguin shuddered and looked away.  
"She's going to kill that poor penguin," Fujiko said.  
"I...don't think that's a penguin," Lupin said.  
Just then four men popped up out of the snow around them, all of them armed.  
"Hahaha!" the giant penguin roared. "Now yous will hand over all da treasure!" The penguin stood and shed the outfit, becoming one of the stereotypical goons.  
Rosalie glared and kicked him in the shin. "What did you do to the penguin king?" she demanded.  
The goon held his shin and jumped around.  
"Don't move!" one of the armed men demanded.  
They all did the opposite and moved forward. Jigen shot one of them men's bullets, deflecting it away as Fujiko shot him. Goemon quickly took care of two of them men, deflecting the bullets with his sword before moving in for the kill. Lupin shot the last man, who stumbled and lifted his gun to shoot, getting a swift kick to the face by Twonk.  
All then faced the goon who was standing holding Rosalie hostage.  
"Should we really save her?" Jigen asked.  
They all thought long and hard about it, deciding in the end to save her, as her looks alone were a good weapon to have.  
"Take a step and da girl gets it, yous hear?"  
"Where is the penguin king?!" Rosalie shreiked, everyone covering their ears.  
Off in the distance a large chunk of ice shattered.  
"Now!" Lupin yelled, everyone running towards the goon and taking care of him quickly.  
"So what exactly is this crystal we need?" Fujiko asked.  
The others shrugged.  
"Penguin king!" Rosalie yelled in joy as she ran past the group.  
They turned to see a large group of penguins, a larger on in front of the crowd. The penguins raised their heads and let out squawks of welcome.  
The penguin king waddled forward, opening it's mouth, a small crystal inside it.  
Rosalie smiled and took hold of the crystal.  
"They don't die around her..." Twonk said in amazement.  
They all then shared a happy magical moment with the penguins before moving on to their next destination.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm hungry. Just thought I'd share that. Odd how quickly I can write these when I'm in an odd mood. xD One more treasure left and then it's off to get the super magical prize. :o It's snowing outside. -whee- -magical harp music plays- I had an odd dream this morning that switched from me and someone seeing a new Star Trek movie that was really awful, me being in some odd building with card keys for the elevators to take me to certain floors and something to do with Lupin. And it was somehow all connected. :/

* * *

**Unusual Collective **

by D. Ant

Chapter Five - I'm here and waiting for you...

_Treasure number 5 : Hair of Bigfoot  
Items needed : German sausage, water from the canals of Venice  
What to do : Go to the forests of British Columbia and build a small shrine to bigfoot, placing on it the sausage and water. Return later to find the hair he will leave._

When the team (yes, they are a team now) had split up, it was Twonk's duty to get both the water and the sausage. His travels to Italy and Germany went smoothly and he actually followed the laws and bought the sausage. He was proud of himself. That was until...  
"Hey!" he yelled, looking all over as they had parked at a convenient store parking lot just outside of Vancouver. "What happened to the sausage?!"  
Everyone was silent as a livid Twonk stared at them.  
"I actually bought that sausage, going against everything I have been taught! Where is it?!"  
"Was it...wrapped up in foil and in a paper bag?" Lupin asked meekly.  
"You ate it?!" Jigen cried out. "Oh, that's just great, Lupin! Now what are we going to do?"  
"Relax, sheesh!" Lupin brushed off everyones anger and opened the door.  
Everyone watched as he walked off and into the store.  
"It's not bad enough the stupid mob is after us..." Twonk muttered.  
Lupin got back in the car and tossed a bag at Twonk.  
"This is how you fix your screw up?" Twonk asked. "Beef jerky?!"  
"Beef jerky, German sausage, like the thing is going to know the difference!" Lupin yelled back at him.  
"How are we supposed to cook it, Lupin?" Fujiko asked.  
"Yeah," Twonk said, searching for and not finding the water.  
"The car was overheating," Lupin said before Twonk could say anything.  
Everyone groaned, the plan not going like it was supposed to.

The group hiked into the woods, making a small shrine out of twigs, pine needled and pine cones and placing the beef jerky on it. They then left, back to the car to wait.  
There was a loud yell several hours later, startling everyone awake. The car then started to violently shake.  
"Big fuzzy thing!" Rosalie cried out happily as the big foot attacked the car.  
"Yes, big fuzzy thing, Rosalie," Twonk said. "Stare at the big fuzzy thing and look cute." He opened the door and shoved her out.  
"Where's my German sausage?!" the big foot demanded.  
"Wow!" Rosalie's eyes got bigger. "You can speak like us!"  
The big foot looked at her and flinched. "The beef jerky is fine, really!" it said quickly, ripping some of its molting fur out and tossing it towards her before running off.  
She picked it up while everyone in the car sighed in relief.  
She entered, a bright light suddenly shining on them, shadowy figures surrounding the car.  
"Anyone you know?" Lupin asked.  
"They work for the man I'm working for," Goemon said calmly.  
"The evil Russian guy?" Lupin asked.  
Goemon nodded. "I will take care of them." He then exited the car, staring the men down.  
They yelled at him in Russian and he yelled back in Japanese. It could have been a real interesting conversation if they understood each other, but it turned out to be a big fight.  
Gunfire erupted, shooting the glass out of the windows in the car as the ones inside ducked.  
Goemon screamed and ran forward.  
The gun fire stopped and the men fell.  
Goemon calmly entered the car, the others silent as Lupin drove off.

_Treasure number 6 : Faberge Egg  
Items needed : Scotch, newspaper hat (1)  
What to do : Travel to Scotland to buy the scotch. Go to Argentina and get one of their newspapers. Form the newspaper into a hat. Travel to Moscow and drink the scotch. Find a man with a big puffy black hat and dance for him while wearing the newspaper hat. He will give you the egg._

"Where to next?" Rosalie asked in excitement.  
"Moscow," Twonk said, looking at the paper. "Um, guys, why does it matter that we drink the scotch in Moscow?"  
Nobody had any answers.  
"Uh, about that scotch..." Jigen said.  
"You know how much that stuff cost me?" Fujiko screamed.  
"Not again..." Lupin groaned.  
"Well, at least we still have the news-" Twonk stopped, looking at Rosalie, who was busy gnawing on the newspaper. "Paper," he sighed.  
"Okay, you know what?" Lupin stopped the car. "I think us working together on this was a big mistake. Maybe we should just end this joint project."  
"So, then who gets the treasure?" Goemon asked.  
"We split it," Lupin said.  
"There is no way I'm going after all that crap again!" Twonk complained.  
"Yeah, Lupin," Jigen said, "I say we just keep this going and then once we get the prize we can sell it and split the profits."  
There were mumbles of agreement.  
"Fine," Lupin said with a groan. "But anymore problems and this ends!"  
"Who was the start of the problems, Lupin?" Fujiko glared at him.  
"He just wants the prize for himself," Rosalie pouted.  
"As does everyone else," Lupin said.  
"Why don't we all just shut up, get to Moscow, get this egg and then go on to the next thing?" Twonk suggested.  
There were more mumbles, the group now getting sick of each other.

"There's guys with black poofy hats everywhere..." Twonk sighed as the group left the airport.  
"It is the middle of winter," Lupin said.  
"So?" Jigen asked. "Anybody got a plan?"  
Lupin got an evil grin on his face, the others worried.

"There's another one!" Lupin yelled, running towards the man with Rosalie on his back.  
The man keeled over.  
Jigen then searched him. "Still nothing."  
"Over there!" Rosalie giggled as she pointed.  
Lupin ran towards the man.  
"No egg on him, either," Goemon said after searching him.  
"This is...kind of morbid..." Fujiko said, unsure of the whole plan.  
Twonk only stood and watched, slightly disturbed but more amused than anything. He then glanced over to a shop, seeing a replica Faberge egg in the window.  
"Hmm?" Fujiko wondered as she watched him walk into the shop.  
He came back with the egg, showing it to her and shrugging. "I'm sure the guy we're looking for had a replica anyway."  
Lupin continued running, the area filling up with dead men.  
"Daddy!" Rosalie yelled, smiling big and waving.  
"Daddy?" Twonk gulped.  
"That's bad, right?" Fujiko asked.  
"Very."  
"They've abducted my daughter!" her father yelled. "Get them!"  
"No, you don't understand!" Lupin shouted, trying to reason with him.  
"Yay daddy!" Rosalie cheered.  
"Whose side are you on?!" Lupin growled as he ran from the gunfire.  
"Those guys is over dare!" one of the stereotypical goons yelled.  
"Great," Jigen muttered as he grabbed his gun.  
"No need for that, Jigen!" Lupin shouted. "Just run!"  
Jigen followed him, turning and looking to see the goons now fighting with Rosalie's fathers men.  
"They'll kill each other soon, so let's go," Twonk said, Fujiko following him as he ran.  
They stopped short as a group of angry evil Russians ran towards them.  
"Now what?" Jigen asked.  
"This way!" Lupin turned and ran into a shop, running through it and to the back door, the owner screaming at them in Russian.  
The others followed, the owner doing some more screaming.  
Goemon then turned, the Russians following them through the building. He followed the others out the back door and then slashed at the building, cutting the whole thing to pieces and standing, watching as it collapsed.  
"Kind of overkill, isn't it?" Fujiko asked.  
Goemon shrugged as they ran towards the airport. 


	6. Chapter 6

Short chapter. This could have been combined with the last chapter, but I still don't know how I'm gonna write that one. And since the thing is supposed to be dumb and wacky, I didn't want to put much action stuff in this, so that's why the end is lacking in that. I doubt the last chapter will be all that odd. It's just...the end of this. -shrugs- xD

* * *

**Unusual Collective **

by D. Ant

Chapter Six - Keep your auditions for somebody who hasn't got so much to lose...

Treasure number 7 : Four Leaf Clover  
Items needed : Russian caviar, eucalyptus leaves  
What to do : Make a small basket out of the eucalyptus leaves and put the caviar inside. Offer the basket to the magical fairy that lives in the enchanted forest of mushrooms in northern Ireland. The fairy will then give you a four leaf clover for your genorosity.

"If the caviar and eucalyptus leaves have been eaten, I'm going to scream," Fujiko said as she glared at the others on the plane.  
"Who was in charge of that stuff, anyway?" Jigen asked. "I wasn't. I got the rum."  
"And drank most of it," Fujiko muttered.  
"Polar bears!" Rosalie yelled happily.  
"I got the water and the sausage," Twonk sighed as he was half asleep and not wanting to care about the prize anymore.  
"And I got the scotch," Fujiko said.  
"I got the newspaper," Goemon said.  
All eyes then looked at Lupin.  
"What?" he asked. "I...I got the stuff. Don't worry about it."  
"Which means he didn't do a thing," Fujiko said as she glared at him.  
"It's a four leaf clover in Ireland!" he said. "I mean, come on, how hard can it be to find one?"  
Fujiko, Twonk and Jigen let out loud sighs. Rosalie was too busy staring out the window and Goemon was lost in his meditation.  
The plane landed and a car was rented, everyone piling into it. All were silent, letting Lupin take care of everything. Although after seeing his plan in Russia, they were all a little afraid.  
Their feelings were correct when Lupin took a small town hostage. He held all thirty three people at gunpoint, telling them that their only way to freedom was to find him a four leaf clover.  
And so the people scoured the ground, on their hands and knees as they carefully searched.  
News of this quickly spread, the police sent out to take care of the "terrorists".  
The media swarmed around, Lupin shooting at them and chasing them off.

Rosalie's father, the head of the Russian mob, and the head of the goons all saw the news coverage. And all of them converged on Northern Ireland.

"This isn't working," Jigen said to Lupin.  
"Yeah, all you're doing is causing a scene," Fujiko said.  
Lupin shrugged as he lit a cigarette.  
"What if they never find one?" Goemon asked.  
"They'll find one," Lupin said. "At least they better, or else they'll be looking until they do."  
"Nice plan," Twonk sighed.  
"Hey, look!" Rosalie chirped as she bent down and found a four leaf clover.  
"Don't look at it!" Lupin screamed, but it was too late. He bent down, plucking the shriveled clover from the ground and sighed.  
"Never said it had to be green," Twonk said with a shrug.  
"Yeah, you're right." Lupin smiled and placed it in his pocket.  
"So, now what do we do?" Jigen wondered.  
Just then there was gunfire and explosions and yelling off in the distance, the six looking towards the noise.  
"Ooh, that sounds like daddy!" Rosalie said happily as she hopped up and down.  
"The plan, Lupin!" Jigen said a little more rushed this time.  
"Um...hold on, I got it..." He stared up as he thought.  
The three groups had gotten through the police lines. This time there was no fighting amongst each other to buy the six time. This time they headed straight towards them.  
"Here!" Lupin said, handing off some of the treasures to the others. "We'll meet in New York in two days at noon!" he said quickly as he ran off, leaving the others to fend for themselves.  
"Huh?" Fujiko said as she stared down at what she was given. "Hey, wait!" She ran off after him.  
The others looked at each other and then ran off in different directions.  
The three mob groups started to work together, breaking off into groups to follow the six.

Meanwhile, King Albert paced the floor of his room. The TV played in the background, the reports of flooding, bombings, forests burning, death, and pollution filling the news.  
King Albert sighed sadly. He knew only his Orb of Flame could help, but it needed to be passed on anew, to someone who could continue his reign. He only hoped the right person could step forward to take his place.  
"This...thing..." he said, gazing down at the glowing glass ball. "It's supposed to help, but it's only brought pain and suffering to others." He sighed loudly. "Let's hope more subjects appear..." He placed his hand on the orb, closing his eyes and smiling, the warmth bringing him sudden joy.


	7. Chapter 7

Holy crap! I actually finished a story! -does a dance- Short and to the point to end it. And yeah, it doesn't really have an end end, since the battle will never end. It's just all evil like that. :3 Hope all the readers enjoyed this short oddity of a story. xD

* * *

**Unusual Collective **

by D. Ant

Chapter Seven - But wake up, baby, you're so totally deluted...

_Final Treasure : Orb of Flame  
Items needed : All seven treasures  
What to do : Head to the UN and offer the items to King Albert._

After barely escaping the groups after them, they were all able to make it to New York on the set time and day.  
"Everyone got everything?" Lupin asked, getting nods in return. "All right, let's go."  
They got to the UN building and headed inside, the letter from the King being enough to give them clearance, even though the security didn't much like the idea. But King Albert was powerful and all knowing, so they did what he said.  
"What floor, what floor?" Rosalie asked excitedly, the group getting on the elevator. She eyed the number panel on the wall, her fingers itching, just wanting to hit all of them.  
Twonk grabbed her hands before she could start her spastic ritual. "Thirteen," he said, glancing at the letter.  
Fujiko punched the floor and the elevator began its climb.  
"So, we all agree to splitting this thing evenly, right?" Jigen asked.  
"That's fine by me," Twonk said.  
"Money, yay!" screeched Rosalie.  
Goemon nodded.  
Fujiko and Lupin eyed each other.  
"Don't make me shoot both of you," Jigen warned.  
Lupin laughed nervously. "Evenly is fine."  
The elevator stopped, the doors opened, their eyes gazed forward to a long hallway before them.  
"Room thirteen thirty seven," Twonk said.  
They all walked forward, looking for the room. They found it, all staring at it, hesitating to go inside.  
Twonk had an odd feeling, as if this was all a bad idea. He was the last to enter, his feelings right as he saw the man at the end of the room on an elaborate throne.  
"Welcome," the man bellowed out in a slow drawl. "I expect you have the treasures?"  
"Yeah," Lupin said as he walked forward. "So, where's our prize?"  
"Not so fast, my friend." King Albert stood, walking around as if he owned the place. "I suppose you saw a lot of terrible things on your travels."  
The group, minus Twonk, looked at each other, shrugging, not knowing what the man was talking about.  
Twonk still stood by the door, his hands balled into fists, his right eye twitching.  
King Albert grabbed ahold of the front of his fancy, expensive looking outfit and pulled it off of him in one quick movement. "You have seen the terrible things that global warming has done to this planet."  
"I KNEW it was you!" Twonk growled. "You can't even be president, you hack, so you make yourself king?"  
"So, Twonk, I see I even tricked you." Al Gore laughed an evil laugh.  
"Tricked?" Lupin wondered.  
"What is this?" Fujiko asked.  
"I should have known it was you the whole time," Twonk said in a low angry tone. "Only you would set up something so idiotic..."  
Gore laughed as he looked on, his whole demeanor very pompous-like. "Which doesn't say much about you, does it?"  
"You two know each other?" Goemon asked.  
"Al Gore is my arch-nemesis," Twonk said through clenched teeth. "I vowed to destroy him one day, and that day is now!"  
"Aww," Rosalie whined. "So, you're not a real king?"  
Gore looked down at her and shuddered. 'She reminds me of that...woman...of Hillary...' He shuddered once again and turned away. "Yes, I am a king. I am the king of the world, here to save it from the pain and suffering done on it by man."  
"Are we getting our prize or not?" Lupin asked impatiently.  
"I suppose you saw how the ice caps are melting, how the oceans are rising, how the trees are dying," Gore continued with his spiel.  
Twonk's eye twitched more, the speech making him go into a violent rage.  
"All of you can make a difference in helping the planet by buying environmentally friendly products and by going green. It may just start with a few, but more will come aboard and this planet shall live on for a long time. The animals in danger will-"  
"Enough!" Twonk yelled, all eyes turning to him. "Your speeches are crap and nobody cares!"  
"But you're wrong, Twonk. People will care. It's only a matter of time." Gore laughed maniacally this time, walking back to something covered in fabric. He grabbed the fabric and pulled it off, the orb underneath glowing brightly.  
"No! Don't look at the orb! It's all a trick!"  
Twonk's words did no good, as everyone stared at it, amazed by it's bright glow.  
"Listen now, my fellow Gorists. Spread the word of global warming to others. Make them change their ways. Make this world free from polluters any way you can." He grinned, the light from the orb glowing on his face and making him more evil than he ever looked.  
"Yes, master," the group, minus Twonk, said in a monotone voice.  
"The power...too strong..." Twonk kept his eyes closed and his arms lifted over his face as he slowly back up. "This isn't over, Al! You haven't seen the last of me!"  
Al Gore laughed loudly as Twonk fled. "I shall never be defeated!" he yelled out powerfully. "Now, go, slaves! Go and preach the dangers of global warming!"  
"Yes, master Gore," the group said, turning and leaving the room.  
Gore laughed, proud of himself. He covered up the orb and put his kingly outfit back on, sitting on his throne as he waited for the rest of the treasure seekers to come, his army of Gorists continuing to grow by the day.


End file.
